I’ve recently discovered a talent. I hear voices. I’m a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. It was only a matter of time, I suppose, before I challenged myself in unique, fun and entertaining ways. I’m an English undergrad, part-time and something of a writer, philosopher, artist and critic. I’m a thinker. I’m an INTJ on the MBTI personality testing. My inner world is extremely diverse, with an eco-system of voices that interact with me – everything from emulated celebrities “telepathically” communicating with me to fantasy worlds full of questionable alignments, talking to me in my head from other worlds, worlds that I have barely even created yet. There are even other historical time-lines. In one of them, the germans won the war by shooting Albert Einstein. American nukes were too late. I can’t make this stuff up. But I do.
But I stupidly never expected that I could run a D&D campaign by myself by talking to the voices in my head as players. What a trip. It’s been halarious.
I’ve only just begun. I’ve now ordered all the rule-books and some modules to walk the voices through some material instead of having to come up with it all. I even ordered the huge 23-layer dungeon in 5E – you know the one – the Waterdeep dungeon for levels 5-20; I might attempt to ease the voices in my head into the dungeon if they get to about level 5 first and all goes well.
Update in a few weeks. Let me test a few things out.
What I can say is this. The voices adapt well and make for great players. Their answers seem to be of a machine-like nature; they remember everything, smartly oppose, and are sometimes even abstract thinkers. They sound, for all intents and purposes, like bots that I am programming, more than they sound like players I’d play with in real life.
What a trip. Time to smoke some marijuanna, read some modules and the rulesbooks, and chat with myself. What a time to be alive.
Enjoy yourselves and stay straight. Criminals.
PS: Ahead of the hundreds of comments I get: I talk to my doctor every couple of weeks. Luckily: he’s a gamer, too. He knows that I sparingly smoke weed and is reluctantly okay with it. I’m not sure he’d endorse me talking to myself all the time, because chemicals in your head are released, I would think; but I’m not a doctor. The more you talk to the voices, the more the voices talk to you. It’s like peering into the depths of an endless abyss. One day, you ARE the abyss, and it eats your soul. But anyway, It is highly likely that I’ll ALWAYS hear voices, and OFTEN chat with them. This will NEVER change. Sorry folks. Click donate if you want.
So look. Don’t try this at home. I see my doc frequently. Take your meds kiddies. And to the voices in my head: I’ve added an aggro bar. After a few voices, it’s full and I then oppose one of you. Opposition is OP though, might have to nerf it after a few patches.”
The aggro’s rollin’ in every few seconds, in my head. Looks like all the aggro’s at me: I hear voices. so look: Brewmaster monk, please, with a few talent points in information gathering, so I can telepathically recieve updates and information.
High Warlord Warlock
World Of Warcraft.
Post-script. All of these hearing voices, and emulating responses, should have been a self-scripted solution on a desktop. Telepathic computers fix schizophrenics via brain radio frequencies some day from an army base or remote hospital. Believe you-me. Think about this for a moment: I hear you telepathically already, but you don’t hear me. But why do you respond, clear as day, when I emulate your voice in my head?
I’ve calculated, possibly erroneously, that I could travel non-stop for the next 40 years until i’m 80, with about 10 million. Gents, what are you doing with all that doge?
Someone float me a milli.
Space data for sale. I telepathically communicated with a few. They can’t hear me yet, though I can emulate them. Curiously opposed; but that’s paranoid schizophrenia for ya. Let’s fix this. You hear me and I can hear you. And nobody is opposed. Problem solved.
In one alternate timeline in my head I’m 3 hours ahead of the world bank; I sell everything and move to Europe. I cripple foreign economies. But hey.
Look I’ve won world war 3 a few times. In my head. I was post-humously awarded, too, according to some calculations in some … alternate realities in my head.
I never did win the governer general’s though.
Oh well. Can’t have everything.
some kind of artist; a writer of some kind.